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Glee Amazing Race: Ninth Leg - Pit Stop
Team Inevitable Family Team
"You did good with that," Burt lies to Kurt as they head toward the hotel. Sure, he laid his head down on the desk and wept, but he still came in first. That's something, right?
Kurt twitches nervously and doesn't acknowledge the compliment. There is only one more leg before the very final stretch, and those final stretches are often tightly choreographed. What if he hasn't impressed the higher-ups enough to secure his hosting gig? What if he hasn't made for good enough television? He has to do something in the very next leg: either overcome the odds with a spectacular performance, or go out in memorable, tragic flames and forever be remembered as someone whose title was stolen right out of his hands.
Or he could just eye the busy traffic around them and suddenly shout, "Oh my God, I hope we don't get into a terrible accident!"
"Kurt!" Burt says in disbelief. The driver tries to regain his focus after being abruptly yelled at by his passenger.
Kurt shrinks down into his seat. Right, right, bad idea. His dad might get hurt in an accident. And the camera crew. That's not good. Damn, why couldn't he have been dramatically rushed to the hospital in Chennai instead of having Finn dump water all over him?
He's so locked inside his musing that he barely recognizes that they're stepping onto the mat as team number one. "Um, hello?" Holly asks when Kurt only frowns, still lost in his own thoughts. "Do you want to know what you've won?"
He finally snaps back to the present moment and asks dryly, "Is there any real point?"
"Well, that depends," Holly says with a big, big smile. "How does a trip to a luxury hotel sound?"
"You're kidding," Kurt says disbelievingly. Burt's grinning, of course; he's been anywhere from pleased to ecstatic about all of their prizes. "Are you actually giving me a good prize?"
"Sure am!" Holly says. "You've won a trip for four to a great resort in Sedona. You can go hiking in the Arizona sun, horseback riding in the Arizona sun, golfing in the Arizona sun, or rock climbing in the Arizona sun! Or you can just lie by the pool and sunbathe. In the Arizona sun."
Kurt narrows his eyes.
Team How Did This Happen
"Team number two?" Quinn asks.
"For the sixth time, yes," Holly says.
Quinn cackles and flings her arms around Emma, who eeps a bit but then looks happy at both their performance and Quinn's reaction. For that matter, she's pleased at her own reaction and how she's able to accept Quinn's show of affection that's wrinkling her shirt all to hell in the process. Yes, she'll once again make use of her in-room iron, but this is so very definitely progress.
"The casino's over thataway," Holly says, pointing down the hall. "And don't worry, I got it all cleared for the kids to drink and gamble."
"Holly!" Emma protests. "That is so inappropriate!"
Holly shrugs. "It was probably inappropriate when I had that elementary class read selections from The Joy Of Sex, but it really helped their vocabulary."
"Come on," Quinn says. "I want to celebrate. And I stole Rachel's karaoke machine when she left."
Rachel is gone and Quinn's near the top! Everything's coming up her! Wait, that phrasing was totally inappropriate, too.
Team Dudebro
"You're headed to a nice hotel in Arizona at some point," Holly tells Finn when he and Puck check in. "I mean, assuming they decide to make a whole family deal out of it."
Finn frowns at the short description. It sounds okay, but... "I get to go on my cruise first, right?"
"I think you should insist on that," Holly deadpans.
Finn and Puck fistbump.
Teams PTA and PTC Worst of the Week
"We had a good run," Carole says fatalistically as she and Shannon watch the city pass by their windows.
"Don't go talking like that," Shannon says. Her fingers drum a short rhythm on the door. "What'll happen'll happen, and there's no use worrying about a lost cow until you've closed the barn doors."
"Right," Carole agrees. She thinks that was a 'right' statement, anyway. She's nearly been around the world with the woman and she still can't figure out half of what she says.
In the younger cab, the mood is somewhat less resigned. "MOVE YOUR ASS!" Santana yells into their driver's ear as they watch a line of traffic inch past them. "CHANGE LANES! GO! GO GO GO!" She keeps haranguing him until he finally complies, only for that lane of traffic to grind to a halt while their former one finally begins to move.
"GO BACK!" she says just as loudly. "GO! GO GO GO!"
And that's how Santana and Brittany find themselves kicked out of their cab and onto the sidewalk.
"I don't think this is our Pit Stop," Brittany says.
Santana doesn't respond, for she is busy running into the middle of the incredibly dangerous street to hail a new cab. (Kurt: Oh man, great idea!) She is not going to let Quinn beat her. She is not going to let Finn beat her. She is not going to let Mom Jeans beat her. And she is not going to let Kurt beat her. "GO!" she tells their new driver when they get in, and shoves the clue at him. He nods and starts driving. "CHANGE LANES!"
The editing jumps between Cab Mom Jeans and Cab Move Your Ass. Mom Jeans. Move Your Ass. Mom Jeans. Move Your Ass. And then the camera shows Holly pointing off-screen as she sees their fourth-place team run up: Team PTA, aka Team Pleasant Middle-Aged Women, aka Team Mom Jeans. Holly puts on a sad face, but soon breaks character and informs them that they are team number four and are still in the Amazing Race. As the two women hug (and Carole muses on the increasingly excellent odds of her family taking home the prize money), Holly points them down the hall to the casino. Some of the other contestants are already inside.
In the mood to celebrate, they head there immediately and are greeted with the highly implausible sight of Quinn Fabray and Emma Pillsbury drunk and performing in front of many confused Koreans.
It's not the best they've ever sounded on a song.
And then the editing cuts back to the mat and the audience knows what's coming. Santana and Brittany run in, plant themselves on the mat, and Santana looks incredibly annoyed. "We had the worst cab driver," she says. "We'd better not run into someone as bad as him next leg."
"He threw Santana out of the car," Brittany agrees.
"So annoying," Santana grumbles and flicks back her hair. Okay, tell them what spot they're in.
"So," Holly says after a moment of consideration. "Want to know who came in first this leg?"
"...Me?" Santana asks.
"You're adorable. No, the Hummels."
Santana wrinkles her nose as Brittany smiles hugely and looks happy for them. Ew, Kurt won! He'll be insufferable. Wait. Wait, why is Holly telling her this? She suddenly gets an awful, awful feeling. "And, um, who came in second?"
"Quinn and Emma."
"...Third?" Santana asks fearfully. Brittany, meanwhile, cocks her head to the side and asks if that's Quinn singing. And if she's drunk. She remembers what people sound like when they're drunk.
"Finn and Puck."
Noooooo. "So we're fourth?" Santana asks. Her voice is beginning to do very strange things.
Holly grins and, with all the speed of an approaching glacier, shakes her head.
Santana lets out a howl of rage that sounds exactly like Monica's reaction to losing her apartment. She can't lose! She can't lose! She still has people to beat! She still has a pampered, whiny host to beat! Her vengeance is not complete! "Where is he?" Santana seethes.
Holly doesn't even need to ask; she gives Santana Kurt's room number and tells the camera crew to be sure to keep up. Santana storms up there, flings open the door, and walks in on Kurt as he flips through a large hardcover book titled Most Dangerous Animal and Plant Species of Alaska and Hawaii. "Yes?" he asks her, not looking up.
"You!" Santana sputters. Brittany looks over Kurt's shoulder and starts reading random facts about Kodiak bears.
"Me," Kurt confirms. "Mind clearing out? I have to do a bit of planning before my dad kicks me out again for psychologically-scarring plans with Carole."
Santana's eyes flash. Ha! Revenge! "Your dad and Finn's mom are totally doing it. Tied to the headboard, three times a night, doing it."
"That's what I just said, and I know." He flips another page. "I had to accept that right from the start of the Race. Quite a mental hurdle, but I'm past it now. People are just being idealistic when they say that wolves don't really want to attack humans, right?"
Santana sputters again as her attempts to knock him off-balance go to waste. And Brittany is still reading about grizzlies! Brittany is fraternizing with the enemy! "I hope you get attacked by a killer whale," she finally, angrily says when nothing else comes to mind.
Kurt smiles dreamily. "I can only hope."
Screw this, she's out of here. Revenge will come on her own terms. "Come on, Brittany. Let's go yell dirty words at Pillsbury."
Brittany tags along. "Like 'fuck?'"
She was thinking more like 'cat litter,' but whatever works.
"You did good with that," Burt lies to Kurt as they head toward the hotel. Sure, he laid his head down on the desk and wept, but he still came in first. That's something, right?
Kurt twitches nervously and doesn't acknowledge the compliment. There is only one more leg before the very final stretch, and those final stretches are often tightly choreographed. What if he hasn't impressed the higher-ups enough to secure his hosting gig? What if he hasn't made for good enough television? He has to do something in the very next leg: either overcome the odds with a spectacular performance, or go out in memorable, tragic flames and forever be remembered as someone whose title was stolen right out of his hands.
Or he could just eye the busy traffic around them and suddenly shout, "Oh my God, I hope we don't get into a terrible accident!"
"Kurt!" Burt says in disbelief. The driver tries to regain his focus after being abruptly yelled at by his passenger.
Kurt shrinks down into his seat. Right, right, bad idea. His dad might get hurt in an accident. And the camera crew. That's not good. Damn, why couldn't he have been dramatically rushed to the hospital in Chennai instead of having Finn dump water all over him?
He's so locked inside his musing that he barely recognizes that they're stepping onto the mat as team number one. "Um, hello?" Holly asks when Kurt only frowns, still lost in his own thoughts. "Do you want to know what you've won?"
He finally snaps back to the present moment and asks dryly, "Is there any real point?"
"Well, that depends," Holly says with a big, big smile. "How does a trip to a luxury hotel sound?"
"You're kidding," Kurt says disbelievingly. Burt's grinning, of course; he's been anywhere from pleased to ecstatic about all of their prizes. "Are you actually giving me a good prize?"
"Sure am!" Holly says. "You've won a trip for four to a great resort in Sedona. You can go hiking in the Arizona sun, horseback riding in the Arizona sun, golfing in the Arizona sun, or rock climbing in the Arizona sun! Or you can just lie by the pool and sunbathe. In the Arizona sun."
Kurt narrows his eyes.
Team How Did This Happen
"Team number two?" Quinn asks.
"For the sixth time, yes," Holly says.
Quinn cackles and flings her arms around Emma, who eeps a bit but then looks happy at both their performance and Quinn's reaction. For that matter, she's pleased at her own reaction and how she's able to accept Quinn's show of affection that's wrinkling her shirt all to hell in the process. Yes, she'll once again make use of her in-room iron, but this is so very definitely progress.
"The casino's over thataway," Holly says, pointing down the hall. "And don't worry, I got it all cleared for the kids to drink and gamble."
"Holly!" Emma protests. "That is so inappropriate!"
Holly shrugs. "It was probably inappropriate when I had that elementary class read selections from The Joy Of Sex, but it really helped their vocabulary."
"Come on," Quinn says. "I want to celebrate. And I stole Rachel's karaoke machine when she left."
Rachel is gone and Quinn's near the top! Everything's coming up her! Wait, that phrasing was totally inappropriate, too.
Team Dudebro
"You're headed to a nice hotel in Arizona at some point," Holly tells Finn when he and Puck check in. "I mean, assuming they decide to make a whole family deal out of it."
Finn frowns at the short description. It sounds okay, but... "I get to go on my cruise first, right?"
"I think you should insist on that," Holly deadpans.
Finn and Puck fistbump.
Teams PTA and PTC Worst of the Week
"We had a good run," Carole says fatalistically as she and Shannon watch the city pass by their windows.
"Don't go talking like that," Shannon says. Her fingers drum a short rhythm on the door. "What'll happen'll happen, and there's no use worrying about a lost cow until you've closed the barn doors."
"Right," Carole agrees. She thinks that was a 'right' statement, anyway. She's nearly been around the world with the woman and she still can't figure out half of what she says.
In the younger cab, the mood is somewhat less resigned. "MOVE YOUR ASS!" Santana yells into their driver's ear as they watch a line of traffic inch past them. "CHANGE LANES! GO! GO GO GO!" She keeps haranguing him until he finally complies, only for that lane of traffic to grind to a halt while their former one finally begins to move.
"GO BACK!" she says just as loudly. "GO! GO GO GO!"
And that's how Santana and Brittany find themselves kicked out of their cab and onto the sidewalk.
"I don't think this is our Pit Stop," Brittany says.
Santana doesn't respond, for she is busy running into the middle of the incredibly dangerous street to hail a new cab. (Kurt: Oh man, great idea!) She is not going to let Quinn beat her. She is not going to let Finn beat her. She is not going to let Mom Jeans beat her. And she is not going to let Kurt beat her. "GO!" she tells their new driver when they get in, and shoves the clue at him. He nods and starts driving. "CHANGE LANES!"
The editing jumps between Cab Mom Jeans and Cab Move Your Ass. Mom Jeans. Move Your Ass. Mom Jeans. Move Your Ass. And then the camera shows Holly pointing off-screen as she sees their fourth-place team run up: Team PTA, aka Team Pleasant Middle-Aged Women, aka Team Mom Jeans. Holly puts on a sad face, but soon breaks character and informs them that they are team number four and are still in the Amazing Race. As the two women hug (and Carole muses on the increasingly excellent odds of her family taking home the prize money), Holly points them down the hall to the casino. Some of the other contestants are already inside.
In the mood to celebrate, they head there immediately and are greeted with the highly implausible sight of Quinn Fabray and Emma Pillsbury drunk and performing in front of many confused Koreans.
It's not the best they've ever sounded on a song.
And then the editing cuts back to the mat and the audience knows what's coming. Santana and Brittany run in, plant themselves on the mat, and Santana looks incredibly annoyed. "We had the worst cab driver," she says. "We'd better not run into someone as bad as him next leg."
"He threw Santana out of the car," Brittany agrees.
"So annoying," Santana grumbles and flicks back her hair. Okay, tell them what spot they're in.
"So," Holly says after a moment of consideration. "Want to know who came in first this leg?"
"...Me?" Santana asks.
"You're adorable. No, the Hummels."
Santana wrinkles her nose as Brittany smiles hugely and looks happy for them. Ew, Kurt won! He'll be insufferable. Wait. Wait, why is Holly telling her this? She suddenly gets an awful, awful feeling. "And, um, who came in second?"
"Quinn and Emma."
"...Third?" Santana asks fearfully. Brittany, meanwhile, cocks her head to the side and asks if that's Quinn singing. And if she's drunk. She remembers what people sound like when they're drunk.
"Finn and Puck."
Noooooo. "So we're fourth?" Santana asks. Her voice is beginning to do very strange things.
Holly grins and, with all the speed of an approaching glacier, shakes her head.
Santana lets out a howl of rage that sounds exactly like Monica's reaction to losing her apartment. She can't lose! She can't lose! She still has people to beat! She still has a pampered, whiny host to beat! Her vengeance is not complete! "Where is he?" Santana seethes.
Holly doesn't even need to ask; she gives Santana Kurt's room number and tells the camera crew to be sure to keep up. Santana storms up there, flings open the door, and walks in on Kurt as he flips through a large hardcover book titled Most Dangerous Animal and Plant Species of Alaska and Hawaii. "Yes?" he asks her, not looking up.
"You!" Santana sputters. Brittany looks over Kurt's shoulder and starts reading random facts about Kodiak bears.
"Me," Kurt confirms. "Mind clearing out? I have to do a bit of planning before my dad kicks me out again for psychologically-scarring plans with Carole."
Santana's eyes flash. Ha! Revenge! "Your dad and Finn's mom are totally doing it. Tied to the headboard, three times a night, doing it."
"That's what I just said, and I know." He flips another page. "I had to accept that right from the start of the Race. Quite a mental hurdle, but I'm past it now. People are just being idealistic when they say that wolves don't really want to attack humans, right?"
Santana sputters again as her attempts to knock him off-balance go to waste. And Brittany is still reading about grizzlies! Brittany is fraternizing with the enemy! "I hope you get attacked by a killer whale," she finally, angrily says when nothing else comes to mind.
Kurt smiles dreamily. "I can only hope."
Screw this, she's out of here. Revenge will come on her own terms. "Come on, Brittany. Let's go yell dirty words at Pillsbury."
Brittany tags along. "Like 'fuck?'"
She was thinking more like 'cat litter,' but whatever works.